


Procrastination

by endemictoearth



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Party, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-10
Updated: 2014-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:12:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4299060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endemictoearth/pseuds/endemictoearth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rae and Finn don't start dating at the end of the summer, but instead sort of stare at each other hopefully for a few months. By the time Christmas rolls around, tensions are high.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Procrastination

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Holidays in July! I started this fic seven months ago! I had the first quarter of it, but gave up. I think this sprung from an open prompt about Rae and Finn kissing under the mistletoe, and justagirlnamedkayla had already favored us with a lovely Christmas fic off of that prompt. 
> 
> Anyway, when I was searching for drabbles to clean up and post, I found this, and the story just came to me. (I’m rarely so lucky.)
> 
> It’s worth mentioning that since I started it well ahead of Series 2 airing, most of the story lines you’re all familiar with have not happened in this fic. You’ll see. Hope you like it!

You can procrastinate anything. Papers for school, cleaning the house, going to the doctor, even living your life. 

When Rae and Finn had had that moment in front of the chippy, and he’d traced I LIKE YOU on her back, there had been one brief shining moment that she thought he might  _like_  like her and they’d get together and date and hold hands and kiss and do more than kiss, playing their own game of rounders and hitting all the bases. 

But then they walked back to the reception, and joined the rest of the gang in celebration, dancing to crap tunes from the 70s, drinking pints, and laughing like a load of twats. 

In the morning, Rae was happy and hungover for a brief dazzling moment, but almost immediately started to doubt everything. Maybe I LIKE YOU was just a way of saying, “Just because you’re crazy doesn’t mean I’ll totally ditch you.” Maybe they really were just best mates, like she’d told Chloe. She convinced herself he didn’t mean it how she hoped he had, because she didn’t want to be humiliated by thinking he had feelings for her when he didn’t. So, when she saw him the next day, she just smiled and didn’t say anything, waiting for him to make a move and prove her wrong.

* * *

She obviously didn’t feel about him the same way he felt about her. She’d smiled when he declared himself the night before, but hadn’t said anything back, and when they met up with the gang in the cold light of day, she still didn’t say anything. No clue that she reciprocated his feelings. Finn drank his pint in silence, watching Rae sitting across the table, talking to Archie about some film they both liked. 

Chop elbowed Finn in the ribs. “What’s up wi’ you, mate? Ya’ve got a right face on!" 

Finn shrugged. "Nothin’. Jus’ tired, I guess.” He thought he saw Rae glance over at him for a split second, but she turned right back to her conversation with Archie and didn’t make eye contact again.

* * *

And, just like that, a day became a week became a month. They were still friends, still hung out at the pub and the chippy, still felt little jolts of electricity from time to time when their eyes met. But the moment had passed. The opportunity didn’t present itself again, or maybe they were just too scared and overwhelmed that neither wanted to take a step toward the other only to find the floor wasn’t there and fall on their face. 

Plus, once college had started, there were plenty of distractions. Finn was glad of them, and actually got the best marks he had since he was in primary school. Rae found herself back in survival mode, trying to ignore/avoid her critics, and she didn’t want to share her troubles with the gang. Keeping her head down meant that she missed the angst in Finn’s eyes when she walked past him in the halls, oblivious, and when they were at the pub, she seemed to ignore him more often than not to focus on the the trail of bubbles inside her pint glass.

Time passed haltingly; sometimes days streamed by without notice, sometimes the two of them found themselves early at the pub, struggling to find conversation or a way to be with each other, and ten minutes seemed like a week. Other times, the rest of the gang seemed superfluous; the two of them could riff for hours on bands and lyrics. They both kept hoping the other would make a move at some point, and neither did, so the gulf between them kept widening. 

Finn still found excuses to touch her, though their communication via secret method tapered off. It hurt too much to guide his finger across her thigh, only to have her smile at him thinly, not knowing she was too scared to say anything back, let alone move it over a few inches and ask him to write out  _In Search of Lost Time._

* * * 

Chloe had convinced her parents to let her have a Christmas party. “It’s not a pool party again, is it?” Rae had asked, slightly panicked.

“No! No, I want this party to be grown up and sophisticated. Everyone has got to wear their best, and I’m going to get some Babycham, and we’ll all have glasses to toast! And I’m going to have my mum make canapés; it’ll be so lovely!”

Sounded boring to Rae. Canapés and Babycham? Was she going to hire waiters to carry everything around on trays? Rae figured there was a time and a place for all that bollocks: when you were too old to do something better. What was wrong with drinking pints down the pub?

The party was on the 21st, the Saturday before Christmas. Rae tried to convince Chloe to abandon her mature party for something goofy, like a Winter Solstice celebration where everyone wore Druid outfits or something, but Chloe wasn’t having any of it.

The day of the party, Rae stared at her wardrobe, half-heartedly hoping a perfect party dress that made her look like she’d lost two stone would appear out of thin air. Of course it didn’t, so she ended up choosing a blue dress, leggings, and a black cardigan. She wore a pair of dangly silver earrings she’d gotten for her birthday a week ago, and decided to make an effort with mascara and lipgloss. It wasn’t the five pounds of make up she’d worn to meet Archie, but her eyes were brighter and her full lips accentuated. She didn’t cringe when she looked in the mirror, though she wasn’t even sure who she was making an effort for. If something was going to happen with Finn, it would have by now. But she couldn’t let go of the hope that he might finally try (or was it try again?). 

* * *

Finn eyed the suit jacket in the back of his closet with disgust. He wasn’t wearing that, no way. First of all, he’d look like a maitre’d, and second, he’d only worn it to his nan’s funeral and wake. It definitely didn’t say “holiday festivities" to him. So, he yanked his leather jacket off the hanger, and shrugged it on over his shirt and tie. This party was going to be terrible; he could just tell. Chloe’d made a big deal about making everyone RSVP. Apparently, she didn’t want the numbers to swell like they had at Rae’s sexy party in the summer. When Izzy asked if she could bring something, Chloe said, “No, I’ve got everything under control.”

“Are we really goin’ to this thing?” Finn had asked Chop at the pub the night before last. 

“‘Course we are! Chloe’s one o’ the gang, ain’t she?”

Finn nodded, “S'pose so.

Tying the laces on his boots, Finn grimaced once again. Rae would be there. She’d probably hang out with Archie all night and he’d be left kicking his instep, avoiding talking to the other girls at the party. He’d tried to get interested in someone else after it didn’t happen with Rae, but he just couldn’t manage to care about anyone else the same way. Fuck it, maybe he’d just snog the first girl he saw in an attempt to move on with everything.

* * *

Rae rang the doorbell and waited. She was about to ring it again when the door opened and there stood Chloe in all her glory. She was wearing a short, shimmery mini dress, red with silver sparkles, and a Santa hat was atop her perfect auburn hair at a jaunty angle. “Oh, good, you’re early! Come on in!” Rae stepped up over the threshold and Chloe put her hand on Rae’s shoulder. “Wait a sec,” she said, leaning forward to kiss Rae on the cheek. 

Rae knitted her eyebrows together. “What was that for?”

Chloe pointed above the door, where a bunch of green leaves with some white berries hung. “Mistletoe, silly!”

Rae shook her head. “So, you’re going to kiss everyone who walks through the door?”

“If I’m the one that answers it, then yes.” She grinned devilishly and Rae just rolled her eyes. “Come and help me put up the snowflakes, babe.”

They spent the next twenty minutes sellotaping silver paper snowflakes to every window, door and mirror they could find. Chloe even put some in the corners of picture frames. The doorbell rang again, and Chloe skipped off to answer it. It was Izzy, and she was alone. Chloe kissed her on the cheek, and Rae watched as she pulled away and started to point to the mistletoe. Then the next instant, Izzy was crying. Rae started to walk over and see what was the matter. Chloe had her arm around Izzy and was bringing her to the kitchen. 

“What’s the matter?” Rae asked, worried.

Chloe gave Rae a pointed look. “She tried to give herself bangs and …” Izzy raised her head up, and Rae could see the uneven thatch of red hair across her forehead. She brought a hand up to her mouth, to conceal her shock.

“Oh, no! I’ve been there before, for sure. When I was eleven …” Rae started to tell the story about how she’d watched The Parent Trap and wanted the short bangs that Hayley Mills had when Chloe hissed, “Not helping!” in a loud whisper. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Rae held her hands up in apology, unsure what to do. 

“I’m going to take her to my bathroom and try to fix these. Keep an eye on the door, will you?” Chloe started toward the stairs, Izzy in tow, when the doorbell rang again. “Get that, please?”

Rae nodded and walked over, shouting, “I’ll get the door, but I’m not kissing anyone!” over her shoulder as she did. She turned to open the door and there was Finn, standing there with his mouth open. Rae’s dropped open, too, and she gasped, “Finn!”

* * * 

Her voice was muffled, but unmistakeable. Not kissing anyone? Finn thought to himself as the door swung open. When he saw her, hair swinging around over her shoulders, in that amazing dress, his breath hitched a little in his throat. Then, he cleared his throat and mumbled, “Shame.”

“Y’what?” Rae asked, bewildered.

“Just … never mind.” He ran a hand through his hair, destroying the ten minutes of sculpting he’d put in at the mirror before heading over. “Why were you yelling about kissing?” He stepped up over threshold and Rae took a half step back, pointing up at the mistletoe.

“Chloe’s idea of Christmas cheer, no doubt.”

Finn glanced up and shrugged. “Well, shouldn’t mess with tradition. Here,” he leaned his cheek forward. “Appease the hostess without really kissing.” He waited for what seemed like a long moment, and was just about to pull away, embarrassed, when Rae leaned forward quickly to peck him on the cheek. He got the briefest scent of some fresh scent he couldn’t place. It was like a flower and a pine tree combined. He stood back and said, “Guess I’m early. Is it just you and Chloe?” He squirmed a bit, thinking that would be really uncomfortable. 

Rae shook her head, “No, Izzy just arrived. She’s having a bit of a hair crisis. Oh, maybe I wasn’t supposed to say anything …”

The doorbell rang again and it was Chop. He didn’t wait a second before bursting through the door and striding halfway across the room. “Is Izzy here?”

Rae put her hand on his shoulder. “She’s upstairs with Chloe. She’ll be down in a bit. Everything’s okay.”

“I went by her place, an’ her mum said she’d run out of there cryin’! You sure she’s alrigh’?” 

Rae nodded. “Absolutely. It’s nothing serious … Chloe’s helping her out now.” 

Chop sighed. “I thought … well, I dunno what I thought, but it weren’t good.”

“Come on in, I’ll get you both a drink.” 

Before she could make good on her offer, the door bell rang AGAIN. “What the bloody hell?” Rae sighed and turned around to answer it.

Archie stood outside, and Rae rolled her eyes. “How’d we manage to all come separately? C’mon in, you pillock.” As he did, Chop sang out. “Oi! Mistletoe! You two’ve got to kiss!” Archie looked up and then shrugged at Rae, leaning in. Rae turned her head and he kissed her cheek. Chop booed and Finn muttered, “Thanks a lot, mate.”

Chop frowned and said, “Just make a move, ya dickhead! Get her under that mistletoe later and snog her senseless!”

Finn bit the inside of his lip. “It’s not that easy.”

“Yeah, it is. That’s what I did with Izzy, and we’re celebratin’ our four month annivers’ry this week!”

Finn sighed. “If it were gonna happen, it would’ve.”

Chop rolled his eyes and pursed his lips, whispering, “That’s a load of wank, and you know it. You could’ve made it happen a dozen times, but you jus’ keep chickenin’ out.”

“Whatever.” Finn crossed his arms and looked away, signaling the end of the conversation. Chop tutted and walked into the kitchen, shouting, “Where’s that drink you promised me, Rae?”

* * *

Rae led the lads into the kitchen and picked up a bottle of Babycham that was already open. “Sorry about this, boys. I’d’ve rather had pints, too, but this is what Chloe wanted.” She poured them each a plastic flute and handed round the glasses. 

Archie looked at his and said, “Should we toast? Feels like we should.”

Finn was quiet, but Chop said, “Yeah! Let’s drink to … kissin’ under the mistletoe!”

Rae rolled her eyes, but then looked over at Finn, who had crossed one arm across his stomach. He didn’t say anything, but held his glass up to be clinked with a dull thud. 

Just then, Chloe and Izzy came down the stairs, Izzy beaming a relieved smile. Chloe had worked her magic, evening out and softening the bangs, then curling them slightly. Izzy looked cute as a button, and Chop swept her into a hug. “I were worried abou’ ya, Iz! Don’ run off like that, okay?”

Izzy nodded into his shoulder and then stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss. “Sorry, babe. I jus’ panicked when I saw how bad I chopped my hair.” 

“Looks alrigh’ now,” Chop said.

“Only thanks to Chlo! Otherwise, I’d look like Raggedy Ann!” 

The doorbell rang again, and Chloe skipped over to the door to let a batch of boys in, kissing each one on the cheek, pointing out her handiwork. As the lads piled into the kitchen, Barney quipped, “At least Chop didn’t answer the door!” Everyone laughed.

Rae watched Finn pour himself another Babycham and then slip into the living room, leaving the crowd to chatter around the island in the kitchen. She bit her lip, but followed suit, finding him sitting in a settee by the window, looking out at the night sky. The living room was dim, lit only by the fairy lights on the tree.

“Hey,” she said in a soft voice, not wanting to startle him.

“Hey,” he returned, swigging some of his drink.

“Mind if I join you? The party’s kind of loud, and I’m not in the mood.”

“Sure,” Finn shrugged. “I’m not really in the mood, either.”

Rae nodded as if she understood, but she didn’t. She didn’t understand anything. She sat carefully next to him, leaving plenty of room between them, and breathed a sigh through her nose. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and glanced over at Finn, who was looking at her.

“Are those earrings new?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah, actually,” Rae replied, surprised. 

Finn was quiet for a long moment, seemingly waiting to hear more, but when she didn’t offer anything else, he said, “Oh.” After another drink, “They’re nice.”

Rae swallowed. “My, um, my mum got them for me for my birthday.”

Finn looked up at her in surprise. “What? When’s your birthday?”

“Ummm, last week, actually.”

His brow furrowed and he looked upset. 

“I—I don’t like to make a big deal of it. It’s … I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Yeah, but Chloe didn’t say anything, either. She’s supposed to be your best friend, right?” Finn seemed genuinely upset about this.

“She was probably busy planning this party we’re at, an’ I didn’t wanna spoil her fun.” Rae smiled at Finn, to show him she was okay. “It’s really okay, Finn. But, y’know, thanks.” She put her hand on his shoulder, and he looked at it for a moment before looking into her eyes. She couldn’t read his expression. Why did he have to be so inscrutable? She used to think she was good at reading people, but sometimes it was like he was written in a foreign language. 

“Hey, there you guys are!” Archie came into the living room and flicked the light on. “A few more people showed up, we’re thinking of playing spin the bottle, and we definitely need Rae.”

Finn jerked his head up to look at Archie. “Whad’ya mean?”

Archie grinned. “You can come, too, but Chloe seems to have invited about five lads to every girl.” He gave Rae a sly grin, and she knew that he didn’t really mind, but that the rest of the party must have insisted he scrounge up any girls he could. 

Rae shook her head, not wanting to be scraped off the bottom of the barrel for some dumb game. “No one wants to kiss me; I’ll just stay out here.” She took a sip of her drink and looked at Finn, who was staring at her. “But, Finn, feel free. Don’t let me stop ya.” 

Finn stood up abruptly and started to walk to the kitchen, then he turned and walked out the sliding glass door that led to the small backyard.

Archie gave Rae a look. 

“What?” she asked.

Archie shook his head. “If you don’t already know …” He turned and headed back to the kitchen. Rae looked out at Finn, who was lighting a cigarette.

* * *

Finn shook his lighter, trying to get it to spark and flame, but it wouldn’t. Finally, on the fifth try, he lit his cigarette, taking a deep drag to calm himself. What was that? No one wants to kiss her? Was she serious? She really didn’t know? Or maybe she just didn’t want to kiss anyone at the party. Including him. He flicked his ash angrily and paced a little bit in the chill of the December night.

Behind him, he heard the low whoosh of the sliding door opening, then closing with a quiet thud. 

He didn’t turn around, but waited.

“Finn, are you alright?” 

It was Rae.

He didn’t answer right away, just kept fiercely smoking in the light of the nearly full moon. 

“Finn?” Her voice was smaller this time.

He heard the door whoosh again, and he finally spoke, “Yeah, I guess. I’ve been better, but … it’s nothing.”

The door whooshed shut again and he turned to see which side of the door she was on. She was still outside. 

“Parties are not my thing,” Rae said, sighing. “When my mum has a load of people over, I usually hide out in my room, or sit in a corner reading.” She chuckled. “But I knew Chloe would kill me if I brought reading material.”

Finn dropped his cigarette butt to the ground and ground it out. “Really? You’re always … like, chattin’ to everyone in the pub. Crackin’ jokes an’ that.” He wasn’t that surprised, but it did seem strange, these two sides of her personality that were at odds with each other.

“Well, that’s jus’ the gang. I mean, you guys know me, I think, and understand me better than most. Most people just think I’m weird, and they know I’m …” Rae trailed off, leaving her thought unfinished.

“What do they know you are, Rae?” Finn asked, his voice softer now. He took a step towards her.

She looked at her shoes and crossed her arms. “Oh, nothin’. Just, they can see what I’m like.”

“No, they can’t.” Finn breathed.

Rae looked up. “What? I mean, why not?”

“Because no one can know what someone’s like on the inside just from lookin’ on the outside. I mean, that’s … that’s obvious.” 

“Is it?” Rae seemed to tremble, and Finn realized she must be cold without her jacket. He’d never taken his off, and did so now, to hand it to Rae. 

“Here, put this on. Ya must be freezin’.”

Rae looked at it warily, and shook her head. “No, that’s okay. I’m not … I don’t wanna, um, ruin your jacket.”

Finn looked confused. “How would ya ruin it?”

Rae tightened her grip on her own arms and sighed testily. “Don’t be dense, Finn. It probably won’t even fit on me. And I really don’t want to struggle into it only to rip it or whatever. Besides, I’m well-insulated, or hadn’t you noticed?” She tried to smile at her quip, but Finn still held the jacket out to her. 

“Please, Rae, take it. Jus’, put it around your shoulders, if you’re worried, but I think you’d be fine to actually put it on. I wouldn’t care if you ripped it, anyway.” 

“But I would, Finn! Don’t you see? Other girls don’t have to worry about ripping boys’ jackets, or if anyone wants to kiss them during spin-the-bottle, or if anyone sees them eating, or …” Rae’s hand flew to her mouth, like she was trying to stuff the words she’d just said back in.

Finn stepped closer and draped his jacket on her shoulders, then draped his arm over the jacket and guided her over to a bench at the edge of the garden. “C’mere, sit down, okay?”

Rae’s breath hitched, like she was about to cry, and then he heard her whisper to ten, closing her eyes, and clenching her fists. 

He looked up at the house and saw that the party was still centered in the kitchen. He sighed with relief. He wanted to finally deal with this, and interruptions wouldn’t help.

“Rae?” he asked, his voice breaking at the end of the syllable.

“Mmmm?” She sniffed and looked up at the night sky, blinking back tears. 

“Y’remember your mum’s reception?” He was going back.

Rae looked over, surprised. “Um, yeah.”

“Y’know I wrote …” He faltered. 

“Yeah, you wrote you liked me. Thank you.”

“I … that’s not what I wrote, Rae.”

“What?” Rae’s face scrunched in confusion. “But I was sure …”

“I mean, I do. I do like ya. But I wrote …” This was harder the second time. So much harder. “ … I wrote I, um, love—“

“WHAT???” Rae screamed.

“I, um, uh, love—“ Finn didn’t get the full declaration out before Rae leaned forward to kiss him. He was so surprised, it took him a few seconds to start kissing her back, but when he did, his hand slid up into the soft waves of her hair, grazed her ear, and rested on her cheek. He repositioned his mouth to pull on her lower lip with his kiss, and when she opened her mouth just a little, he sighed happily.

After another minute, they broke apart, and looked deep into each other’s eyes. Rae’s almost glowed in the dark, and Finn had no idea what his were doing. They were just about to lean in for another kiss, when they heard an uproar of clapping and hollering from inside. Looking up, they saw the assembled party standing on the other side of the glass, cheering them on. Rae dropped her head in to her hands, and Finn smiled sheepishly. 

The door slid open and Chop yelled, “FINALLY!” He chucked something at them in the dark. “Here, take the mistletoe; you two can probably use it.” Everyone laughed, but the laughter quietened when Chop shut the door. 

Finn twisted to pick up the greenery. He started to hold it over Rae’s head, but she grabbed it and tossed it aside. “I don’t need a fuckin’ bush to kiss you again,” she said boldly. Finn grinned as she leaned in again. Just before their lips met, she whispered, “By the way, the feeling’s mutual.”


End file.
